Harvard professor reveals the most important thing marriages need to survive

A relationship specialist has revealed the one thing he thinks marriages need to survive, whilst offering a warning to those whose spouses have admitted to feeling ‘lonely’ despite their union.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released data last year stating that divorce rates among US citizens were in decline in 2022, while marriages in the country had experienced an uptick following the Covid-19 pandemic.

But what is the key to a successful, long-lasting marriage?

Well, Arthur Brooks, a PhD social scientist and professor at Harvard University, believes he has the answer.

The 61-year-old relationship expert, who is also the author of multiple books, including 2025’s The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life - a new 272-page project being published by Harvard Business Review Press on August 12.

Last year, Brooks appeared on The Peter Attia Drive podcast to discuss relationships and marriage.

Arthur Brooks is an American academic and author (The Peter Attia podcast/YouTube)

During the chat, he revealed that he believes friendship is the key ingredient to successful partnerships.

"One of the most important things for a happy life is a partnership with somebody who will be the last person who you set eyes on as you take your last dying breath…" he told the 52-year-old physician.

"The goal of your marriage is not passion, it's friendship. This is the goal, you must be close friends, ideally best friends, with your spouse.”

As well as revealing the key to a ‘happy life’, Brooks revealed what he thinks is one of the tell-tale signs of a couple divorcing in the future.

"One of the greatest predictors of divorce is partners who are lonely while living together,” he said, adding that people who have nothing in common for each other except their children can often drift apart.

“There’s got to be something bigger than ‘Did you change his diaper?’ because that’s not going to be something you have in common forever, and you’re going to be lonely in your relationship.”

Friendship is a necessary for your relationship to succeed, according to the expert (Getty Stock Image)

Instead, he recommended that couples try to explore different interests together and pick up hobbies that the two of them can participate in outside of their daily routines.

Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor, also shares Brooks' opinion on the matter, as he told Marriage.com that common shared interests can help ‘enhance connection in a relationship’.

“Their importance ultimately depends on the dynamics and compatibility of the couple involved,” he said to the outlet.

“For some, shared hobbies and activities may serve as a vital foundation for bonding and intimacy, while others may prioritize mutual values, communication, and emotional support.”

According to the site, these shared interests could be anything from eating food and working out, or traveling the world and storming down the career path together.

So, for a happy life with your wife or husband, you may want to reschedule that activity you both keep putting off. Because who knows; it could do you the world of good.

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