Woman reveals what it really means to be 'demisexual' and how she realized her sexuality

A woman has opened up about what made her realize she was demisexual after noticing an important difference between how her and her friends look at sexual partners.

It's 2024 and it sometimes feels like there's 101 different terms for identifying your sexuality, which can make it even more baffling when you're still confused enough trying to work out what you think and feel in your own brain anyway.

Thankfully, sex and relationship expert Paul C. Brunson sat down with author Toni Tone to discuss demisexuality and it's helped so many social media users realize their own sexual orientation.

It can be confusing coming to grips with your sexuality (Getty Stock Images)

Toni's realization

Appearing on Brunson's podcast We Need To Talk, Toni Tone - a.k.a. 'Online Big Sis' - opened up about the moment she realized that her sexuality differed from that of some of her friends.

She explained: "A lot of people experience sexual attraction off the bat right? They can be sexually attracted to someone walking through a room.

"I can acknowledge that men are attractive men, but there is absolutely nothing within me that feels any type of sexual desire or arousal for them in any way, right?

"That only comes after I have developed an emotional connection to them based on who they are and their character.

"So for example, I'e never had a one night stand. I've never met someone in a club and kissed a random person.

"My girlfriends will see a guy and be like, 'Oh he can get some.' But I'm like, 'No, no one can ever get anything unless I know them'."

Toni realized she only feels sexual desire when she's developed an emotional connection (YouTube/ We Need To Talk)

What is demisexuality?

Paul Brunson explained in the clip: "Demisexuality is when someone only feels sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond.

"Unlike others with sexual orientation based on instant attraction - which is often called allosexuality - a demisexual person needs a connection rooted in someone's character and values."

Indeed, Cleveland Clinic notes: "People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population, most people who are demisexual rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

"[...] Forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee sexual attraction will develop, but the bond is necessary for them to even consider sexual activity. If they do develop a sexual attraction, the desire for sexual activity is often less intense."

Brunson added: "You might even be demisexual without realizing it."

And that's certainly been the case for some social media users, who've flocked to the comments to weigh in.

One TikToker said: "Just found out that am demisexual," while another added: "I feel so seen."

Meanwhile, a third commented: "I thought everyone was like this."

A fourth wrote: "I am Demisexual from today = thanks for telling me this because it was really hard to explain until now……now I got a proper word."

Towards the end of the clip, Brunson resolved: "Knowing your orientation can be powerful. It helps you understand your own needs, set healthy boundaries and feel validated in how you experience attraction."