Featured Image Credit: Getty
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Social Media, Feminism, News
Phoebe Tonks
In a day and age where all of us are sharing our lives on social media than ever, it isn’t unheard of to share pictures of our loved ones as we navigate day to day life.
Yet while adorable couples photos might spark joy for some, they have rapidly become the bane of existence for many more, with some women now choosing to swerve sharing their partners at all on social media.
For some women, it’s a subtle shift. They still acknowledge the existence of their spouse with an ambiguous photo such as hands on a steering wheel, or an indiscernible silhouette.
Yet for others, they have taken things one step further and elected to erase their boyfriends from their social media accounts entirely, with some women even going so far as to doctor their wedding photos to keep an air of mystery about their lover.
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So why are so many women choosing to omit their boyfriends as they document their lives? Is it embarrassment? Or is the issue deeper rooted than that?
A recent op-ed from Vogue opted to address this issue, with Zoé Samudzi, writer and activist, explaining that: “They want the prize and celebration of partnership, but understand the norminess of it.”
In simple terms , Zoe argued women want to be praised for being in a relationship but also want to reinforce their identity as a person beyond their other half. Many single women also championed the movement to maintain their own identities beyond their relationships with other people.
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Author Chanté Joseph writes: "Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become more of a flex to pronounce yourself single.
"Obviously, there’s no shame in falling in love. But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it—or not trying at all. And as long as we’re openly rethinking and criticizing heteronormativity, 'having a boyfriend' will remain a somewhat fragile, or even contentious, concept within public life."
The decision to keep boyfriends away from social media is also more than just an image decision too, with some women also buying into the superstition that it could potentially ‘ruin’ a relationship by placing it in view of the ‘evil eye’ – essentially, sparking jealousy from other women that could lead to a relationship breakdown.
On the Delusional Diaries podcast, influencers Halley and Jaz doubled down on how having a visible boyfriend suddenly appeared to be 'lame'.
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This immediately sparked a raft of comments from listeners, with one even arguing that 'having a boyfriend typically takes hits on a woman’s aura'.
For many women working as influencers, sharing images of their boyfriend could also see them taking a financial hit, with users reporting hundreds of people unfollowing their accounts after daring to show glimpses of their blossoming relationship – essentially meaning that it’s less about embarrassment for some women and more about fiscal security.
Since the article was posted on Wednesday October 29, hundreds of women from around the world have flooded social media with their take on the phenomenon, with plenty of support in favour of keeping boyfriends out of the limelight.
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"Just saw an article that was titled 'is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?' And yes. Yes it is. In fact it’s an humiliation ritual,” wrote one user on X.
“Vogue’s new article on how embarrassing it is to have a bf is hilarious bc it’s so true. There’s really no good reason to be with a man
unless you’re prepared to tolerate their bad behaviors.,” wrote another user.
A third user then commented: “We are in a world where our online identities are centered around lives of our partners. You share something and suddenly, your partner becomes the talk.. Say if you mention that you are sad, they will suddenly attribute it to your partner.”
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However, not everyone agreed, with one X user arguing: “Having a boyfriend is not embarrassing, your male centeredness is! The problem is that too many of you lose yourselves in these relationships. Then, once you’re single, realize your mistakes. But, instead of unlearning heteronormative patriarchal norms, you blame love.”
Another added: “The Vogue article suggesting that having a boyfriend is embarrassing or makes you less empowered is not it. Feminism is about women uplifting women, single, partnered, or otherwise. Shaming women for being in relationships is just another way to divide, not unite us!”