Sponsored by BATTLEFIELD 2042
Prepare to taste ‘lightning in a bottle’ with Frujiin, a one-of-a-kind energy drink which many are desperate to try.
When the office received the latest ‘designer energy’ product from Synseco Agritech, everyone’s eyes rolled. Energy drinks are ten a penny; someone, somewhere, is drinking a can of your everyday brand right now.
Then, we cracked a few open. In no uncertain terms, after one sip of Frujiin, we felt the rush.
Unlike your mundane, lab-produced beverages like Popfizzyfizzy and JuXXXed, Fruijiin’s secret is simple: it’s quite simply squeezed from a ripe Alitufruit™.
In 2042, scientists at Synseco’s Agricampus in New Delta, Egypt set out to genetically engineer something rather special. With a combination of CRISPR gene editing and cellular 3D printing, they created Alitufruit™, the ‘world’s most complete fruit’, packing more protein than a porterhouse steak, more caffeine than a triple shot of espresso and, according to the Synseco website, it’s also the only fruit to come in six different flavours.
Much like a draught stout at your local pub, Fruijin uses a nitrogen-based widget to provide carbonation, delivering its power punch in a uniquely velvety fizz.
‘We wanted to re-engineer the energy drink from the ground up,’ beverage engineer Durain Hokkaido said from the Fruijin offices in Songdo, Korea.
‘The feel of the can, the way the bubbles interact with the beverage inside, the way the energy hits you. It was all under scrutiny, and I can’t even be modest here, we broke the mould and delivered lighting in a bottle… quite literally.’
And break the mould they certainly did. As the drink hits your tongue, the flavour begins as a metallic-tasting orange creamsicle cough syrup before completely numbing your tongue – this is when the first wave of energy hits you. Hokkaido describes this as the ‘Zing’ phase.
‘The Zing phase is kind of like that first big drop on a roller coaster where your heart is in your stomach and you have to wonder if you made the right decision getting on the roller coaster in the first place,’ he said, cracking open his third can of Frujiin of the morning.
Halfway through my third can, I blurted out like a man possessed, ‘Hold on. Isn’t there a danger in ingesting all these lab-derived chemicals?’ No answer from Hokkaido, only a smile, followed by the swift crack of his fourth can.
When we say you’ll ‘feel the rush’, it undersells the physical and mental elation the drink produces – particularly once you reach the second wave, known as the ‘Zap’ phase. As Frujiin’s effects overcame the office, most people described it as ‘energy enlightenment’.
The quote of the morning came from Terry in accounting, who said, ‘I just can’t stop smiling, like my cheeks hurt at this point, and I feel like I can finally finish running that bloody 5k my wife keeps on me about.’
By 11:30am, the first case of Frujiin was a distant memory. Needn’t worry, we immediately pooled our resources together and ordered a palette of 3,000 cans. They’ll be delivered by tomorrow morning via freight drone.
From all of us at LADbible, Frujiin is a must-have, must-’feel’ drink. Seriously, stop reading this article and go get some – now.
Sponsored by BATTLEFIELD 2042
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