Hospice nurse details exactly what it’s like to have a ‘shared death experience’
Topics: Health, Life, Social Media, Mental Health
Emily Brown
Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Image
Topics: Health, Life, Social Media, Mental Health
A hospice nurse trying to normalize conversations around death has opened up about one particular encounter she had with a patient at the end of his life, and how she came to learn she'd had a 'shared death experience'.
Given that most people will only ever experience death once, there are a lot of unknowns around dying, making it a scary subject.
But after years working with people who are close to their final moments, Julie McFadden, who is known as Hospice Nurse Julie online, is keen to try and eradicate any fears.
Julie helps inform people about death through videos shared on social media as well as in her book, Nothing To Fear, touching on topics such as the 'death rattle' and what kind of things patients might go through in their last moments.
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In her book, Julie recalled the 'shared death experience' she'd had 'many years ago', though she actually didn't realize what it was at the time.
The encounter took place with one of her 'favorite patients', who she called Randy.
Julie explained: "He was a younger man who didn't have many friends or family, because in his life, he pushed people away. He had a lot of mental health issues, a lot of anxiety, and was a hoarder. When we came into his house — which was unsafe and unlivable — he was desperate. I think because he was at the end of his life, he was willing to allow us to help him."
Hoping to help Randy, Julie and her colleagues tracked down some of his distant cousins and asked them to fly in to visit him. They also set about clearing his property, and when Julie next saw him, she said he was 'like a different person'.
Randy ended up living for another nine months, during which time Julie 'got to know him really well'.
"We had many conversations about his life, his beliefs, and if he was afraid to die, which he was, and wasn't," she said, recalling Randy went back and forth on his feelings about death.
On the day Randy died, Julie recognized the signs that he was near the end.
"He was unconscious, barely breathing, and looked very comfortable," she said. When she left his house that day, she got into her car and said in her head: "Goodbye Randy, I hope you have a beautiful journey."
At that moment, Julie claimed she 'heard his voice in [her] head'.
"It hit every sense: I could hear his voice, I could feel how he was feeling, and I could see him in my mind's eye," she said.
According to Julie, she could hear Randy's voice saying: "Oh my gosh, Julie, if only I had known how good this was going to be, I wouldn't have been so afraid."
"It felt like he was smiling and soaring," Julie said, saying the experience was 'beyond anything [she] could ever describe'.
"I was so emotional in the moment that I was weeping tears of joy in my car. I was so overwhelmed by what he was showing me," she said.
As she began to get her emotions in check, Julie received a text to tell her Randy had died.
It wasn't until years later that Julie opened up about the experience on social media, at which time people reached out to her and told her it was called a 'shared death experience'.
Julie admitted that she doesn't exactly know what she went though, but she likes to 'keep an open mind'.
"Whether it's real or not — or if it's just our brains doing something to make us feel more comfortable — I think that's beautiful too," she wrote.