Man with Borderline Personality Disorder shuts down misconceptions about the illness after attempting to take his own life

Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.

The term 'survivor' will mean different things to different people.

If you Google the definition, the response you'll get reads: 'A person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.'

The search engine also defines the term as 'the remainder of a group of people or things' or 'a person who copes well with difficulties in their life'.

But in my opinion, the definition of a 'survivor' is Joe Tracini.

Joe Tracini was diagnosed with BPB a decade ago. (Jack Barnes)

Joe, a British actor, presenter and author, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) ten years ago; an illness which is thought to only affect around two percent of the global population.

In the years prior to his diagnosis, Joe battled a drink and drug addiction as well. Now clean and sober - for eleven and nine years retrospectively - Joe is learning more about his BPD.

There are nine stand-out symptoms of the condition, which include: fear of abandonment; unstable relationships; unclear of shifting self image; impulsive behaviors; self-harm; extreme emotional swings; chronic feelings of emptiness; explosive anger; and feeling out of touch with reality, says helpguide.org.

For Joe, he found the anger that comes with BPD as a surprise.

"Anger is a weird one," he explained to UNILAD. "I don't necessarily feel like I get angry, but I do."

"My anger isn't ever directed at people who aren't me," Joe went on. "I know a few people that their anger comes out and they it's against people.

"They use it to get rid of people to keep people away. I'm just very angry at me, 24/7."

With this in mind, Joe went on to address one of the biggest misconceptions about the illness - the idea that those with the condition might channel some of it's debilitating symptoms towards others. For example, killers Jeffrey Dahmer and Aileen Wuornos both had BPD.

Elsewhere, fictional character Patrick Bateman in American Psycho (portrayed by Christian Bale) is a serial killer that's also believed to have BPD.

But not everyone will the mental health condition are 'bad people', Joe insists.

"Something that I've learned come to BPD is that it's quite difficult to be outwardly self reflective," he said. "Whenever I do meet a psychiatrist, they either want to run away from me, or put their pen down and just listen for hours. It's quite weird that I'm able speak about it in the way that I can."

Joe went on: "The only expectation people have is 'bad person'. [...] If you say my personality disordered, they're going to think you're probably bad."

But if Joe's anything to go off, that's far from the case.

Joe details what it's like to have BPD in his documentary. (Hungry Bear / Channel 4)

Like for many of those with mental illnesses, each day can be a battle, and some of those days are particularly hard.

Joe has attempted suicide six times, something he revealed in his new and heartbreaking documentary, Me and The Voice In My Head.

While Joe says he 'didn't fully commit' to some of his attempts, he hailed his efforts as a 'cry for help'.

"Suicide attempts and cries for help - that's a thing," he told UNILAD. "You're trying to do something so that people can see that you need help, especially when you don't necessarily have the words to explain why you're not okay."

Joe continued to share: "Of all the times that I tried, the last time when I was on the bridge, that was the time that I remember being ready, and I'm grateful for past me for not jumping.

"I still don't know the thought process that went through me when I didn't jump, but I'm glad that I didn't."

Sadly Joe isn't the only person with BPD to have attempted suicide. It's said that 15 percent of those with the illness take their own lives, while another 40 percent try.

Despite the negative impact BPD can have on a person, Joe said it was a 'good day' when he received his diagnosis a decade ago.

Joe said that anger was one symptom that surprsied him. (Jack Barnes)

As to why it was a 'good day', Joe said it gave him a 'reason' for the way he was feeling. He said: "I felt like the worst person that had ever existed, so for somebody to say 'you're a thing' and this is it... that was great."

Having confronted death on handful of occasions because of the suicidal tendencies that can come with BPD, Joe shared his advice to others who might find themselves in a difficult spot mentally.

He told us: "[Life] is the only thing that's going on. Life is happening. I don't know what else there is.

"I think it's really, really difficult to try and explain, but I don't feel like killing myself because I want to die - I don't want to die, I just don't want to exist."

Joe continued: "I know that even on my worst days when I feel awful, it's so worth it to just wait because I don't want to die when I feel like that.

"I don't want the last feeling I've have to be to be one of my bad days. I don't deserve that. I'm utterly aware of the fact that I don't deserve to die alone.

"Even if everything's s**t, you don't deserve to die alone."

Joe Tracini: Me and The Voice In My Head is now streaming on Channel 4.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in a mental health crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.

UNILAD’s Survivors series sheds light on different survival experiences and the lessons learned from facing death. New interviews will be released daily beginning May 20.