Chrissy Teigen has penned a heartbreaking open letter explaining why she shared the loss of her baby on social media.
The US model and her husband John Legend lost their third child earlier this month after the 34-year-old suffered pregnancy complications.
Some followers criticised Teigen for grieving online, which encouraged other celebrities and fans to support the TV presenter, including Underworld‘s Kate Beckinsale. She’s since written a letter explaining her experience and the aftermath.
Teigen begins the letter by thanking those who’ve been sending well-wishes, writing, ‘For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes.’
After persistent bleeding and a partial placenta abruption diagnosis, Teigen knew she was going to have an epidural and deliver the child, whom the couple named Jack, at 20 weeks old.
She wrote, ‘My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low – he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly. After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming – it was time to say goodbye.’
Teigen then asked her mother and Legend to take photos, ‘no matter how uncomfortable it was… I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time’.
However, she wanted a way to ‘know of this moment forever… the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story’.
Directly addressing those who criticised the photos, Teigen wrote:
I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.
She added, ‘I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.’
Concluding the letter, Teigen once again thanked ‘every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky’.
If you’d like to read the full letter, click here.
If you have experienced a bereavement and would like to speak with someone in confidence contact Cruse Bereavement Care via their national helpline on 0808 808 1677.